I’ve been to one in Pattaya before with my mother (very funny story for many different reasons), but this one was much more grand. It had incredible costumes and set design. One of the sets was a jungle complete with waterfall, another was a giant sphinx with King Tut’s head. The “girls” themselves varied in believability, but for the most part it was pretty good. They sang and danced to songs in multiple languages, but for some reason the vast majority of the songs were Chinese. There was only one song in Thai and it was more of a comedy routine with a very heavyset kathooey and a lanky kathooey who were both pretty obviously men doing embarassing things to the men in the audience.

At one point, Hugh and I both noticed a girl who was just so… Japanese. We couldn’t put our finger on it at first, but there was something about her actions that made her seem just like the idol/models on Japanese variety shows. She was very pretty and had this doe-eyed look on her face. Even the way she clapped her hands freaked us out. We could have brought her to Japan and everyone would have just assumed she was some sort of magazine model.

After the show I realized what it was, it wasn’t her looks necessarily since other girls were just as pretty and “Japanese-looking” (it’s a pretty trendy way of dressing/styling oneself here), but it was the excessive expression of “femininity.” Kathooey (the good ones) are believable not just because of their looks, but because they have mastered the “act” of being a woman. On Japanese TV you see an endless parade of models doing “acts” of what is considered feminine in Japan: a mix of being helpless, childlike, demure, and often dumb (or at least extremely naive), but always beautiful. They don’t just say things that convey these ideas, but it’s in the smallest detail of how you sit, how you clap your hands, etc. After three years living in Japan, I found myself picking up some of these Japanese femininity cues.

It made me realize how absolutely important certain actions and gestures are to seeming masculine or feminine and makes me wonder how much of what we consider beautiful is based on these things as well. We saw plenty of kathooey on the streets who were physically pretty, but somehow didn’t cut it as beautiful. It’s interesting how the extra gestures can increase a woman’s beauty.

There’s no pictures in this entry because I wasn’t willing to pay a $6 tip per girl for a photo. =P And trust me, the minute you try and take a photo that’s when 10 of them jump in with you. I saw a poor guy shell out about $60 just because he wanted a keepsake, when he tried to protest they got pretty aggressive. Not super lady-like, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do…

Lemongrass, galangal, spicy wood, and many other things make up the base flavors of Lao food

Hey foodies! This post and photos are for you! In Luang Prabang, we decided to check out the cooking class by Tamarind (a restaurant) which was highly regarded (and turned out to be good).

The class started out with a market tour led by our Lao teacher, Jack. He pointed out various herbs, meats, and sauces used by Laotians (insert whinging by an annoying old Australian couple here about the cleanliness of the market and how awful it is to eat certain meats, waaaah). After that, we were taken to the riverside kitchen to cook.

Something I noticed before is that in Lao, most cooking is down over hot coals. Most people don’t have electricity at home and therefore, no stoves or ovens (remember, electricity only really came to Lao 15 years ago). Cooking is primarily done by grilling, stewing, or steaming. This is also one of the poorest, most isolated countries on earth so, traditionally, food is also very simple. The ingredient list might be quite long, but it’s all stuff that can be picked in your garden (or foraged from the forest/riverbank.)

Steaming sticky rice over coals, the Lao way of cooking

Another important point in Lao cuisine is the fact they use sticky rice to eat. They pull rice out of the steamer, then ball it up into their hands and dip it into different food. Therefore, Lao food tends not to be as soupy/creamy/oily as Thai food. Lao food tastes more “herby,” and what we discovered was that it was flavor overload for basically everyone.

On the menu were several dishes. Orlahm, is a traditional stew in Luang Prabang made with buffalo meat and basically every herb you can think of in huge quantities. It also contained something they call spicy wood, which is…wood. It was pretty weird eating wood, the outside is super bitter and spicy while the inside tastes like peppery chicken. It also makes your mouth feel like you’ve been injected with novacaine. I don’t feel any guilt in saying I’d never eat it again.

Hugh models a wonderfully marinated tilapia

We also made a delicious steamed Tilapia in banana leaves. Once again, the marinade was made up of every herb in existence. But it was really, really nice. A few little alterations and I could definitely add this to my dinner repetoire (the authentic way is a little too flavor country for me.)

Next was the technically difficult to make, stuffed lemongrass. How do you stuff lemongrass, you ask? Well. It was hard. But the results were delicious. Ingredients were minced chicken, lemongrass, every herb in existence (okay, okay–Lao basil, coriander, kaffir lime…oh geez, I don’t know.)

We also made our own spicy Lao dip and laap (a meat salad–I made mine with water buffalo meat). Hugh indulged in the fried worms/catepillars that were offered as a snack. I declined. Nonetheless, I knocked back a shot of lao-lao (aka moonshine) mixed with honey and orange. It still didn’t provide me the courage to eat the grubs though.

All in all, a very good use of the day. You know how they say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? I always thought that saying had real meaning beyond men being really hungry. =P I believe food is a great way to understand someone, and a culture. Thailand knew this when they sent chefs all over the world to open up Thai restaurants: get people to love your food, and they will love your country (or at least they’ll be up for a visit.)

Grilling stuffed lemongrass while orlahm bubbles on the "stove"

Voila! Stuffed lemongrass and steamed tilapia

Hugh feeding our elephant some sugar cane

For the first part of our trek, we went to an elephant park that uses tourism dollars to try and save elephants from a hard life of logging (which I saw in Cambodia) or being poached. Letting humans ride on your back for an hour and then feed you treats is a much nicer job than dragging/shoving logs around. After our ride, we got to feed our elephant various treats. Ours really seemed to like sugar cane…

Our guide, Bunsai, and Hugh on our way to Houfy village

After the riding, we began our trek to a Khmu village in the hills. It was a relatively easy trek, but considering the heat and having to walk up and down a mountain it was still a bit rough. Our guide, Bunsai, pointed out the new rubber trees that Lao villages are growing to try and make more money, as well as various wild vegetables and grains. It was a really relaxing walk with only birds and buzzing insect sounds to listen to. Along the way, we saw villagers picking wood and forest goods and the sort…

A typical Lao meal: veggies, a main, and sticky rice

When we arrived at the village, we were taken to a special building they use for tourists. Houfy village is extremely poor, but they have lots of rice so they’re not hungry. Eco-tourism helps the village raise funds, and they’re careful not to bring too many tourists in. It was a little weird and felt a bit voyeuristic, but no one was putting on a show for us, and for the large part people completely ignored us (except for the children, but that’s children.)

Villagers building a new hut

While walking around the village, Hugh noted that many of the people (especially women) seemed far more interested in me than they were in him (a white guy). We wondered if it was because they looked at me and saw someone who looked like themselves, but was clearly living a vastly different life. I’m sure a lot of it was just general curiousity. What nationality or ethnicity was I? Why was I with a white guy anyways? Why am I wearing a tacky tourist t-shirt and exposing my arms to the sun?

Children doing hard labor

One of the most interesting things on our trek was seeing the children. We saw plenty of children laughing and playing, and many adorable children who seemed to take so much pleasure in just waving to us and shouting “sabaidee!!” We also saw children hard at work. On our way out of the village, we passed three small children under the age of 10 carrying bundles of wood. They had roped tied around the bundles and then wrapped around their foreheads, so the load was mostly bore on their heads. Our guide joked that the Khmu people had stong heads, but the Lao people had strong backs. He wondered if their necks get shorter from carrying things like that. I wondered if I could have carried the load right then and there (probably not.)

Elephants walking through Tad Sae waterfall

After the village, we trekked to Tad Sae waterfall, passing some smaller villages and elephant tracks along the way. When we reached Tad Sae, it was like entering some magical video game wonderland. The waterfall poured into aqua blue lagoons which poured into more. It was like infinity pool flowing into more infinity pools. The water was freezing, but clear and refreshing. It was definitely an excellent way to treat ourselves after walking for hours.

Best. Waterfall. Evar.

Just moments ago, the two novices sitting next to us were smiling at us and giggling over something written in English. Hugh tried to extend a helping hand, but they just smiled at him. When they finally got up to leave, they walked over to us and asked Hugh where he was from and all that in perfect English. They were especially excited to hear Hugh was from Melbourne, since there’s apparently a Buddhist temple there and one of the monks friends had been there. Funny conversation.

We passed lots of small rural Laotian villages and what struck me was that nearly every home, hut, or shanty had a satellite. I saw homes that looked like speaking above a whisper would send the entire thing crashing into a river, homes with probably no running water, yet they all had satellite televisions.

We arrived in Vang Vieng in one piece, but half expecting cracked out zombie stoners to be roaming the streets. Instead, the town is incredibly chilled out. The locals are extremely friendly and walking around town has been a pleasure. One of the best/worst things about Vang Vieng are all the TV bars. They’ve got TVs playing movies or TV shows and these big lounging platforms so you can lie on pillows and just zone out on TV (or something else.) We spent hours watching the Family Guy and just eating pizza. Now we’re in a bar (Hugh’s in a hammock) eating cheesy fries and watching the new Indiana Jones…

This has definitely been pretty awesome.

What I noticed pretty quickly is how familiar Vietnamese people are with one another. It’s nice, but also sometimes a bit surprising. I watched strangers offer bits of their food to other people’s children. I saw a lady help an old man into his seat, and later she was unfazed as the old man smacked her on the ass to get her to get out of the aisle. That wasn’t the only time I saw someone spank someone adult to get them to do something either.

At one point this giant moth was flying around the train. The Vietnamese didn’t care at all, didn’t even blink an eye. I’m not trying to be patronizing, but in Asia I’ve found people are generally (at least outside of the big cities) more “in touch” with nature. I know on any train in America people would freak out over a moth the size of someone’s hand. Needless to say, when the moth flew towards me I started trying to hide (but didn’t scream! I was trying!) while Hugh was attempting to catch it in a lunchbox, only to have an old lady come up and just grab it in her hand and THREW it to the back of the train (at a sleeping woman, lol.) She gave me a big grin. She saved me again from Mothra a few hours later.

Anyways, the train ride was surprisingly fun. Minus the 7 hours of blaring television showing pretty much the most GOD AWFUL television possible. I’m talking about Cholesterol Man attacking ladies while Barley Tea man comes to save the day (all live action, taking place on a stage.)

Who the are these people?
Jonas Brothers?
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt?
LC?
Blake Lively?

God… I feel like an alien. I’m watching these celebrity shows and they keep talking about these like 13 year old stars or whatever. Do adults really care about this stuff? Christ, now I know what anyone over the age of 25 must have felt when Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, and Mandy Moore all came out at the same time. As an emo 16 year old, I didn’t care about them–but of course, I followed celebrity gossip because, at heart, I cared. As an egocentric 16 year old, I thought everyone must obviously be as obsessed with Britney as my peers were. Now that I’m 26, I’m looking around and wondering why anyone not a teenager would care about teenage love lives.

Miley Cyrus talk about true love with some Jonas Brother dude. What?

Man, I’m becoming one of those bitter old grandmas so early.

Get off my lawn.

It took me awhile to really warm up to leggings in Japan, but several years of seeing it and one will break.  I never really thought that the look would make it to America, but then I saw this blog post about what Carrie was supposed to be wearing in the Sex And the City Movie and she looked like a Japanese teenager. Oh, and of course the Olsen Twins and Lindsay Lohan (who are apparently style icons, meh) just wear Japanese fashion 2 years later, so it was bound to happen.

Now, when America starts wearing colorful tights…then I’ll be really happy.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

- I was surprised at the drivers. I always thought, even while in Japan, that American drivers weren’t as nice as Japanese ones, but I realized that wasn’t the case. For example, we were trying to make a left turn and a man stopped to let us pass since it was a red light. Nice of him.

- Damn, everything is so spread out…and concrete. So is Japan, though (concrete, I mean). But Shimane found ways to stick vegetable patches and rice fields in whatever scrap of land they could find.

- Everyone is so…big. Either in the overweight sense, or just in the big sense. Taller, thicker. I once again felt short and that my breasts were completely inadequate.

- Food portions, good lord. I know I went to Cheesecake Factory, which is just a ridiculous place to go to see food portions for the first time, but seriously. The appetizer salad was bigger than the biggest share-size salad in Japan I’ve ever seen. The glasses were so big I couldn’t hold them in my hand. I felt like a little girl at the dinner table. The food was delicious, but it’s too much flavor for me at the moment so that might take awhile to get used to.

Perhaps I’ll have more things…but at the moment, it’s 6am in Chicago, but my body is crying at me for dinner. Time for leftovers!

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

“Oppai!!” (Tits!)
“Chikubi!!” (Nipples!)
“Boku okama da!!” (I’m a tranny!)
“‘Chinko’ eigo de nan to iu no?” (How do you say penis in English)

Maybe more so than the fact the kids say it is the fact the teachers smile and laugh. I can’t help it, I’m a prudish American. I have a mouth like a drunken sailor, but I still cringe when I hear kids saying stuff like that.

Then again, I also cringe when people ask me things like, “Oshiri ga itai no?” (Does your butt hurt?) Let’s not talk about my butt, your butt, or anyone else’s butt. Japanese people are always really shocked when I tell them we don’t discuss breasts and butts in polite company, they always reply with “but…but…American TV is nothing but showing that stuff, why can’t you talk about it?”

Touche.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Malaysia is a predominantly Muslim country, and despite being in a very touristy part of Malaysia I can really see the influences. This is the first time I’ve ever been in any degree of Islamic country. As this is a tourist area and we’re a bit far from the mosque, I don’t hear the call to prayer. But if I were a devout Muslim, there is a very thoughtful sticker on the ceiling of my hotel room pointing me in the direction of Meccca. There’s also a complete lack of pork-products in any of the restaurants. Instead we have been dining on things called “turkey ham” and “beef ham” (which is not as delicious as beef sausage.)

Then of course there is the fact most Malaysian women wear headscarves. Despite the fact I don’t think I wear terribly revealing clothes, I do feel a bit skimpy-dressed. I’ve taken to carrying a shawl around with me to drape over my shoulders in certain areas. This is also the first time I’ve seen so many women wearing chador/abaya (head to toe black robes with just the eyes visible.) I must admit I was a bit shocked to see a woman in a chador walking with her husband down the beach. They were laughing and giggling and being a young flirtacious couple, except for the fact that she was fully veiled. As we walked by them, the girl watched us intently with her eyes and I got a hold of her designer jeans and cute sandal shoes peeking from underneath the robes.

What I suppose surprises me the most about the women who are fully veiled are they are often accompanied by men wearing t-shirts and board-shorts and sandals. I fully support any woman who wishes to veil herself out of respect for herself and religion, but it seems more than slightly unfair that the guys can run around looking like sloths.

Shouldn’t they at least look respectable too?

I was watching the Olympic torch relay go through Nagano on television when I saw the craziest thing:

Man BICYCLE KICKS police man. Seriously. Like, video game style. Come on guys, keep your kung-fu to yourselves!

On a more serious note, it looked like a bit of a mess. The Japanese police seemed vastly unprepared for the rowdy protestors, which the Japanese news makes VERY sure to note are “Chinese overseas students” and “Pro-Tibet Asian foreigners,” Though honestly, it’s extremely rare to see police doing anything in Japan except give people directions. I always feel embarrassed about asking cops how to get to some hotel–shouldn’t I leave them alone to go fight crime? Well, it’s nice thing to not live in a country where you see cops carrying M4s around.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

PEOPLE. WHAT?

A lady from one of the schools I visit was all, “ooh and we were all wondering who should congratulate you on your baby,” Wait, wait, back the hell up woman, what baby?

“I’m not pregnant!” I admonished,

“Oh really….oooh where did we hear it from? Someone said you were….”

“Why did you think I was pregnant?” I asked in my most polite voice. Just be honest and say it’s cause I’ve gotten tubby around my middle, I thought darkly, while my face showed a friendly smile and the finest in Japanese tatemae.

“Oh, I don’t know…your face seemed glowing and full, like the face of pregnancy!”

At this point I bit down my tongue and held back the urge to say, “So you mean cause I have a fat face?” Instead, I countered with this gem:

“But, but… I’m not even married!” I said shyly.

“Oh, well, you know… we thought you were being a modern woman and were going to hang in there and have one anyways.”

I give up, Japan. I get it, you think I’m fat. Yes, I will start going on an even stricter diet and start working out now. Thank you, just when I thought I was making progress with my weight.
…
Wait, wait…hold the phone! They thought I had HAD a baby already, so that must mean I AM making progress with my weight. Well, hot damn! Apparently my perfect body weight was when I was 85lbs and had twig-legs, back then all the Japanese girls complimented me on my tiny face and skinny legs. I think I’ll just stick to my bigger boobs, fuller thighs, and ghetto booty. I like it better, my boyfriend likes it better–leave me alone, Japan!

The case is interesting because the man was 18 at the time, a minor according to Japanese law, so people believe this was done to send a message to would-be youth criminals. Recently, there’s been a rash of violence committed by young people in Japan. The numbers aren’t that high comparatively, but in the US we have guns. Any idiot can kill someone with a gun, usually much to their chagrin. A knife takes some nerve, let alone skill, to hack a body to bits.

In recent news:
- a British girl was hacked to bits, her body found in a tub full of sand on the balcony.
- A young man who ran through a station with a knife stabbing people randomly
- An 18 year old who pushed another man off a train platform onto a platform
- 23 year old man buries a student alive
- Random old ladies being stabbed in Fukuoka
- Random youth picks up a child and throws him off a pedestrian walkway onto incoming traffic

You may have noticed many of these are not crimes of passion, they are random acts of violence. When asked their motive, killers have answered, “I just wanted to try killing someone.” This scares Japanese people, and rightfully so. I don’t really know what percentage of crimes are actually random, but I read a poll last year that something like 90% of Japanese people feared an attack by a random stranger. So because of all of this (and a lot of other things) Japanese people are asking, “why?” Naturally, there’s the blame on video games (the random station stabber liked ninja games, apparently), broken families, etc. The usual suspects. But we all know this stuff is not the cause, so what’s the real issues here?

I would say part of the blame is the general lack of psychology/psychiatry in Japan (though this is changing, and thank god). There are plenty of people who need serious psychiatric help out there who have nothing but the intarwebz to ruminate on. You think we have psychos in America? Try having psychos in a country where people (up till now) didn’t believe in psychos, just poor parenting.

I also think in Japan there’s a lowered empathy for other humans (stay with me here), which I don’t blame on the Japanese themselves. It’s not a cultural thing, just an aspect of modern society. Take the view towards women: no one seems to care that 50 year old men lust after pre-pubescent girls, unless of course that girl gets raped (but if she just gets felt-up in a train or dates her teacher, that’s okay). But she’s going to need to prove she wasn’t asking for it. At convenience stores little boys can see magazines of anime girls tied up with semen dripping off their breasts, they know their fathers go to strip clubs and sex clubs while their mothers cook dinner, they can watch TV shows where men stare at young girls and measure their breasts and ask them to jump up and down (we have that too, but in America it’s generally considered chauvinist). What are women other than objects then? It’s said the reason that it took until the 1990s for the birth-control pill to come to Japan is because doctors didn’t want to lose their main source of income (abortions). The bullying problem is notorious and shocking here that elementary school children threaten and commit suicide. Kids come to school obviously physically abused at home, but people just turn the other way because they don’t want to get involved. Japanese people care about what other people think of them, but a lot of people don’t really think about what other people feel.

A lot of Japanese commentators and academics see the same problems, but instead of doing anything about it they just yell at young people on tv (Hosoki Kazuko, anyone?) which makes for quality programming, but not quality society. One of my host fathers complained that Japanese young people don’t know how to empathize anymore (actually, he said that their hearts don’t feel anymore–eesh), he pointed at lack of keigo (polite language) as a surface sign–I don’t know about that, but clearly there’s something out there people are worried about.

I’ve been told by older Japanese people it’s all the fault of us god-awful young people and our lack of morals, but who teaches the morals? No one. Exactly. So many parents tell me they’re worried for the future of Japan and kids are too spoiled and bratty these days, but they do nothing to discipline their children. So for me, I blame the older generation. Nowadays, elementary schools have morality class (which they never needed before–so what changed? discipline, mostly) and the stuff they teach sounds a whole lot like Common Sense 101: “if you hit someone, it hurts them!” Teachers like to ask me, “how do Americans learn to be moral?”

Um, church? Fear of eternal damnation and being poked by goblins in hell? I’m agnostic (functionally an atheist), but I will say a *little* spirituality isn’t always such a bad thing. Is what keeps you from sleeping with a 12 year old the law, or is it the inherent belief somewhere that doing so is morally wrong? I used to believe in moral relativity and boo on religion and boo on spirituality…but after living in an extremely secular place and befriending so many people from very secular places I guess I will say that it’s made me change my mind on the importance of a strong moral compass based in SOMETHING (vegetarianism, Buddhism, Xenu–whatever).

Or maybe this is all just fear tactics? I’m fairly certain most advanced countries have a, “oh life was so much better in the 1960s!” wave of nostalgia.

Our global generation of degenerate slackers is doomed! Or maybe we’ll all be fine. I’m going to go lock the door now, anyway.

Observe the following on an entry about travel.

Upon returning home, they will also find an affinity for a particular beer or liquor from a country they visited. They use this as an excuse to mention their travels when at a bar. “Oh, I’ll have a Czechznlishiyush Pilsner. You see, that was my favorite beer when I was travelling through Slovenia and the Czech republic.”

TRUE. I must admit more than once I’ve said something like, “Oh this Thai is good, but not as good as in Thailand.” Seriously, it’s true. Fellow traveler, you know you’ve done it, regardless of your ethnic background.

The site is hilarious though, whoever writes is either a brilliant white person with amazing self-awareness, or someone non-white but with an anthropologist’s eye.

My friend desslok pointed out another one called Stuff Asian People Like, but I didn’t find it as funny, and sadly, couldn’t relate to it at all. That’s kind of strange, actually.

Minku Kujira…or in English, whale meat.

I’m not a vegetarian. However, I have always been bothered by the Japanese take on whale meat. They constantly claim it’s for scientific research and not primarly for consumption, as you can see in this photo it about $5.00 for about 300g. To put that in perspective, that is LESS than the cost of beef in Japan. Furthermore, this is a typical grocery store in rural Japan–not a fancy food store. I’ve actually had it for school lunch before! They must be killing a lot of whales to sustain that, and we all know that they are and it really isn’t for scientific research.

Yes, yes, I’ve had whale. No, I don’t really feel guilty for it. I don’t know what’s worse, killing the poor thing under the guise of science or me throwing out food when people are starving in the world because of my (hypocritical) moral indignation. I’ll admit it’s delicious, at least if it’s been deep fried (but what ISN’T delicious when deep fried? Okay, okay, the Midwest girl in me is coming out…)

Like I said, I am no vegetarian–and while I say I’m not that into animal rights, I didn’t mean I go kicking puppies or anything. On the contrary, I pay about $5 for six eggs because I make the effort to buy honest-to-god free range eggs (and not ones that claim to be free range and aren’t really.) I’ve made every effort to educate myself on how animals are treated in industrial farms and try and stay away from that.

At the same time, I disagree with notions that we shouldn’t eat whale because they are smart or cute. Sheep are pretty cute. Pigs are quite smart as well. In my head, there’s no hierarchy for which animals we can eat and which we can’t. Harpooning whales isn’t anymore or less horrifying or disgusting that shooting a metal bolt into a cow’s head. I think we should stop deluding ourselves and really understand how we go from cow to red cubes in white styrofoam tray. If finding out that cows get shot in the head disgusts you, then go vegetarian. The less you know about the food that goes into your body, the more dangerous that is. The reason we shouldn’t eat whale is because by most accounts they are endangered, or at the very least, threatened. On a global scale, there are far more deer and rabbits than there are whale.

I also have a problem with the guise of scientific research. Why exactly do they need to kill thousands of minke whales a year? Uh, for science? Unless of course, the scientific research is this: The Thesis Of Whether Or Not Feeding School Children Whale Will Cause Them To Be Lifelong Consumers of Whale